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04/11/2001 Entry: "Old Friend"

I got a message from an old friend recently - a high school confidante, a love-you-till-we-both-die sort of girl. It brought back a lot of memories, some funny, some painful. Perhaps we can work through some of the bad bits and get back to the happy ones.

It has also reminded me of the proverbial angst that we all seemed to feel back then. I have been particularly struck by the similarities between the primary characteristics of adolescence and the diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder includes some of the following symptoms:

• frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.


• a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships


• identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self


• impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)


• recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior


• chronic feelings of emptiness


• inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

Well, that about sums up my problems from age 14 to 17. ;) It's mostly difficult to remember how my thought processes worked back then. I had some odd rationalizations for behavior, for example. Hmmm, might be nice to have some of those old skills back...